Excited I stand at the podium in front of the entire school ready to give my first chapel talk. Mr. Patterson, our Headmaster, insists that each of the 7th graders speak about their relationship to God before the whole school.
As I start to talk I’m flooded with energy, a force that rapidly fills me up, floods my body and…
Lands in my hands.
My whole body is quaking and shaking. I’ve got to make this stop! so I instinctively reach out and grab onto the sides of the podium to steady myself. Now the podium starts shaking; the dang thing is shaking right across the table it’s sitting on.
I briefly look up only to see my sister sitting in the front row laughing at me; when finished I leave the stage embarrassed and humiliated.
In 8th grade I vow things are going to be different. Following my inner guidance I find two rocks that fit in the palms of my hands. Carrying them around settles my ‘nerves’. The morning of the chapel talk I put these new rock friends in pockets of my navy blue wool blazer. Going on stage, sticking my hands into the pockets while secretly holding onto my rock friends as I talk worked.
I felt weird. I continued to shake. My shaking hands thing made my Mom very uncomfortable…her remedy “just sit on your hands, YOU can make it go away.” always ended with “You’re just not trying hard enough.”
My shaking hands lead to a panic disorder.
My shaking hands meant I couldn’t take a job in a restaurant because I’d spill cups of coffee.
My shaking hands lead to shutting down my voice.
“Go be seen” meant I’d start shaking and quaking.
As a young adult, if I spoke in public I would go out of body and not remember what I said. At 25, invited by our homeowners association, I stood up before city council to argue against a land development project in our neighborhood. Sitting in the audience my goal was to just listen; both sides argued their case, the motion was about to pass.
“Anyone have anything else to say before we call the vote?” Then the energy flooded me, knees shaking I stood up and went to the podium. I said what wanted to be said, the city council stopped the project, and the Big shot lobbyist lawyer sat stunned.
Speaking and truth telling left me feeling very out of control.
A decade later my Guides said “go join Toastmasters.”
The first icebreaker speech at Toastmaster I talked about spirituality, looking up from my notes I suddenly realize everyone in the room is mesmerized, I can feel them energetically hooking in- heart-2-heart. The crowd is with me. My inner voice whispers “Stay present Michele. Stay. You’re okay.” Afterwards the women in the room rush up to the podium and hug me…one man takes me aside saying “you won’t stay here long.” The next week I book myself at Barnes & Nobel store to talk about walking the path of the shaman.
My shaking hands didn’t matter, in fact
Shaking is okay.
It’s what happens when Spirit moves through me.
I am a shaker.
Energy is energy.
When I connect to Spirit and pass my hands over your body, my hands start shaking and wobbling on the places where you need healing, the places that are out of balance and need attention. I see into you. Extract what’s doesn’t belong. Shaking is a good thing.
