I am the One who moves
jumps through life’s transitions
even though others
may look on with their
judgments and doubts.
I am the One who trusts
the Presence will show me
the path that lands me on solid ground.
With open arms I find
change is good.
Midway through this Mercury retrograde I decide to unpack and file some boxes unopened since the move…and rediscovered my writings for the last 10 years…seeing the start and stop, bits and pieces of what I want to share and teach left me feeling like I failed.
“The child forms certain wrong conclusions about life, which sink into the unconscious, then mold the life into the adult.” -The Undefended Self: Living the Pathwork
It didn’t matter that I finished my degree, was homemaker, wife and mother, healer; sent dear daughter off to college, staged, sold the house, moved and wrote some 255 blog posts. With tunnel vision nothing mattered- Virgo can get obsessive and Pisces just wants to stay in the dream.
Homemaker versus career woman were at each others throats- "stay home" "no go out in the world, do more", welcome to my Saturn/Uranus opposition- sitting exactly on my Pisces Sun. With Mercury retrograde it's been a ripe opportunity to start dissecting the thinking and reshaping the clay.
Each month there is a new and full moon. The opportunity at the new moon? You are called to bring up the childhood ‘wrong conclusions’ and re-mold your self. By the Full Moon the Sun and Moon stand in opposition, it’s there you have the aha's and energy to change the form.
Oppositions offer up a challenge and a release of tension. Saturn who rules responsibility and structure is in Virgo holding a tug of war with Uranus in Pisces the awakener. Uranus wakes you up to the potential, the future you with spiritual purpose and muscle [Pisces].
In book The WAR of ART by Steven Pressfield “Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”
Resistance has been keeping me company and I don’t like it one bit. Yes finding the writings and the abandonment left me feeling hopeless. That dissolved into anger and frustration. That dissolved to grief then moved into acceptance. The energies feel multi-layered and words can’t seem to fit it all. The good news is there’s movement. When I got home from reiki circle last night I found Donna Cunningham's blog post in my mail:
Happening every 45 years or so, the Saturn/Uranus opposition marks a time when we feel we can’t live any longer under certain conditions, limitations, systems, relationships, belief systems, jobs, careers, etc, and a part of us comes tearing out. We seek change, reform, relief and the new instead of plowing on with things that are not working.-Lynda Hill
It’s been all that and more. Saturn in Virgo stands in opposition my Pisces Sun in the 4th house giving me some powerful God-force energy to ‘master fear and conquer resistance'.
Knowledge of who you are emerges the way a Polaroid develops: it takes time to see the image clearly and know what you are working with. Every single one of us at birth is given an emotional acre all our own. You get one, your awful Uncle Phil gets one, I get one, Tricia Nixon gets one, everyone gets one.
And as long as you don’t hurt anyone, you really get to do with your acre as you please. You can plant fruit trees or flowers or alphabetized rows of vegetables, or nothing at all. If you want your acre to look like a giant garage sale or an auto-wrecking yard, that’s what you get to do with it. There’s a fence around your acre, though with a gate, and if people keep coming into your land and sliming it or trying to get you to do what they think is right, you get to ask them to leave. And they have to go because this is your acre. – writer Anne Lamont in her book Bird by Bird.
Dear New Moon Dancers be kind and supportive to the Pisces/Virgo people in your life…we are all being plowed big time. In July I go to make a vision board and nothing happens. Asked myself why? One word pops up Commit.
Commitment brings up fear I’ll be locked into something I can’t change. The quest is safety, don’t move. This resistance isn’t an adult talking and I've been here before…
Betty and Sally’s mother daughter dance is so rich and deep for me. Mom’s drinking and smoking trying to cope, oh last week she added another baby to the mix. Sally’s body type is similar to mine at the same age- another piece of the betwixt and between.
Forty-five years ago? Puberty came early as I moved from girl to adolescent a bit too early for Mom. Big and gawky compared to my skinny-minny sister, my wrong conclusion shouts ‘fat and ugly’- so much shame for becoming “to fat for little girl clothes”. Mom didn’t love me, sisters and father teased me- let’s say we were not kind to each other. Into the clay went unacceptable. Into the clay went fear of change. All I can say to the Universe…damn this yet again?
In astrology the fourth house represents home, mother, roots- theme is safe and nurturing. The task is to get rooted/grounded in who you are so you can move into the 5th house of creativity, go out into the world, and share your gifts (10th house).
While the childhood needs were met because of the trauma I didn’t feel safe or nurtured; at eight I turned to food, became the ‘little mother’ for control, for comfort, to mask anxiety, to make me feel safe. Can you relate?
It’s been 45 years of starts and stops. I am more turtle than rabbit. Part of me knows to just go with the flow; another just wants this @#$@ Saturn/Uranus opposition to move off and away…out of my 4th house of home/family/roots and 10th house of career/public persona. My emotional acre is being plowed big time…
Tending once again to the eight year old I see a deeper understanding of my journey, my mother and her mother's story; how the trail connects back to my college graduate self (read the Virgo in Saturn ’78-80).
"I am the One who threw us into personal and professional tasks that seemed too much to handle. We learned at a young age to act as if everything was okay when it isn’t. I am the One who is your twenty-something career woman. While I can form a clear vision and set a strong intention; we got lost in the process after things manifested too quickly. That was then and this is now… today we don't need to use food/busyness/spending to dampen the anxiety, you developed better skills to cope. Today we have courage tied to spirit."
Silently in the background of my life these two Neters dance in the shadows giving me tools to go out into the world again. I feel grateful for the new awareness. It’s an opportunity…
"Worthiness, in very simple terms, means, I have found a way to let the Energy reach me, the Energy that is natural, reach me. Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you.
You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy.You are the only one who can love yourself into a state of allowing, or hate yourself in a state of disallowing.
There is not something wrong with you, nor is there something wrong with one who is not loving you. You are all just, in the moment, practicing the art of not allowing, or the art of resisting."-Expressed by Abraham-Hicks
At this New Moon in Virgo you’ll find me tending my worthiness acre as Saturn/Uranus opposition calls me out of a deep slumber, jumping through transitions and landing safely on solid ground.
What about you at this New Moon in Virgo how’s your emotional acre?
Shadow Dancing: Listen for the inner
voices-your mind chatter. Look for black and white thinking then seek
to balance the negative self talk and doubt. Look for your issues with
FEAR- fear of success, fear of failure are two biggies that dance with
me. If you don’t know where to begin Carolyn Myss works with these four
archetypes: the Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur.
Anne Marie Bennett has put together some great resources on her website here: Taming the Inner Critic.
What was life like for you, what happened 45 years ago, to you or maybe your parents? Anything related to today's resistance?
What’s happened over the last 6-9 months?
If you have a copy of your chart, find the Virgo/Pisces signs..there are 12 houses…read the description of the house here: New Moon Zodiac Chart
How is the Saturn/Uranus opposition affecting you today?
24 hours before the new moon set a strong intention, what do you want to create in the Virgo area of your life? What's been up in your face since Mercury went retrograde? What do you need to change? Write or draw your intentions. You’ll quickly see/feel/know your shadow issue, what’s holding you back.
24 hours after the new moon, let it all go. Expect aha’s by the full moon in Aries October 4th. Keep me posted.
Rev. Michele Lessirard, C.Ht. is an artist, inter-faith minister,
shamanic practitioner and teacher. Since 1995 she has preformed
hundreds of Soul Retrievals, teaches through out the United States and
is recognized for her ability to communicate the visible elements with
the invisible- the spiritual aspects that are mirrored through one’s
day-to day relationships with family, home and work.