Finally I succumb to the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (LG). The book calls to me just before leaving on our four day cruise to Mexico. What a delightful way to cook oneself just before the Full Moon in Capricorn. Set sail on the wide blue ocean (Cancer) on a ship (Capricorn) of strangers.
I tried to read the book a few years back and just couldn’t get through the first couple of pages; then in February after seeing LG’s wonderful TED video on creativity I decide, ”Hey Liz I’ll give you another chance!”
Dear Husband (DH) and I leave the quiet calm of Vero and head into our old hometown South FLA; just as we drive into Port Everglades the skies open up in one of those SouthFLA torrential downpours that drowns even the frogs. Rainwater even gushes up through the parking garage drains reminding me we are at or below sea level. Wading through a foot of water to cross the street attempting to enter the terminal, we are greeted by the chaos of drivers and their cars unconsciously splashing bystanders. Everyone is dropping off their bag and milling about as we move forward taking our place in line to board the ship. Shoes soaked, people pushing, no one smiling except the Philippine guy with the camera ready to take the boarding photos (we look like drowned rats)…suddenly reminded of why we moved out of SouthFLA a year ago.
“Only when human beings are able to perceive and acknowledge the Self in each other can there be real peace.”-Amma
The crowd's frenetic energy temporarily sucks me into its grip until I remember to ground and hold balance (Capricorn). The squish, squish, squish of my soaking sneakers certainly helps; we move through the lines, effortlessly board and land in our lovely balcony stateroom. Eventually we’ll overlook the sea but for now it’s a view of stacked port containers and roof air conditioners. Ah we’re here, let the celebration begin!
The Full Moon in Capricorn is your soul’s quest to create a safe structure within when you are emotionally thrown out into a sea of feelings (at the Cancer New Moon). No matter where you find yourself. You may be seeing tangible results from those intentions set and/or vision boards you created at the start of 2009. If not, why not I ask?
At the moment of my birth Cancer and Capricorn are intercepted in my birth chart, Mom and Dad at times reversed roles. Interceptions? In order to find the intercepted energy one has to enter the room, then go into a closet and close the door to have a dialog. In essence the energy of the sign and planets there are protected by divine design. But one isn't told that as a child.
Empathic by nature and then by trauma I didn’t know where I began and others left off; it’s always been a dance because the container of my body felt so elusive- I’d either merge too much and/or retreat and go into hiding. How did I compensate? Starting around the age 3…my relationship to food and my attempts to manage the anxiety of tuning-in, I am more aware of Weight protector in a sea of energies. Some of us drink, some people smoke…each of us is trying to find our peace.
You too are a ship sailing in a sea of energies…how you deal with the waves coming at you is what the Cancer New Moon and Capricorn Full Moon speaks to. Eclipses intensify the spectrum of feelings if planetary energies in your chart are set off. Expect a release at this Full Moon.
At this Full Moon in Capricorn my natal Moon sits at 14° of Aries, so I find myself on high alert. New and full moons call you to task; to manage the internal and external forces that cause us to go off course. Cancer asks us to take care, and Capricorn wants a structure for that merging energy. Healthy care taking. Keep in mind if we don’t get our Cancer/Capricorn needs met as a child we either merge too much or put up walls to protect.
At this Full Moon in Capricorn is your container (body, mind and/or emotions) more jello than mortar? Do you need to set a boundary or merge with the energies at play? Is it safe? Exactly where are you? Ponder on this…
Cruising through Eat, Pray, Love…
EAT: We walk into the Windjammer for a buffet lunch. There’s a feeding frenzy going on and a wall of energy hits me heart on. People seem to be walking from station to station in a hypnotic trance… mindlessly bumping into one another trying to get another something on that already piled high plate of food. Just moving through the sea of foodies- both fat and thin, makes me feel anxious and angry…the intensity of my anger surprises me…where did you come from, how spiritual is that, Michele? Everyman for himself energy DH and I agree “Let’s get out of here, so we can read and be alone.” We find a lovely breezy spot on the upper deck, we talk and we read, I find myself journeying through Italy with LG…
The first 36 stories in Eat, Pray, Love is all about LG’s love of Italy and food, the community of souls and her need for connection, to find God within and around her. “I want God. I want God inside me. I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water.” For today I am not seeing God in myself [not with this anger] or these people on the boat. My peace comes from looking out at the sea, and watching the incredibly moving blue water.
PRAY: Seeking. Second day at sea LG and I journey to the ashram, she's seeking to know God more. I want that too! Reading I start to question my own relationship with God. Do I need to go to an ashram? I wonder, then recognize I share a lot of the experiences she’s talking about. I’ve touched in and felt the presence, had aha’s and mystical unions with the Divine. All while being a mother and wife, my journey is different than her journey, but we all come to the same place seeking peace at different times. It's the judging that does me in, separates me. And for today…
Can I find happiness even after my scrambled eggs are mashed down by hairy-elbow-guy who didn’t look to see where he was going in the buffet line? Or the woman who decides to wash her sticky hands off in the community ice bucket by the ice machine. Yuck.
How am I blessed by the woman who woke up this morning and decided to slip into her too tight stretchy pants of red, white and blue USA flags and waving green dollar bills? Yes…WAVING GREEN DOLLAR BILLS. Reminding me it's a Happy 4th of July at sea with my shipmates. At this point I am praying for redemption.
I am in so much judgment. Okay I don’t like these people much, I’m trying, I pray. It suddenly dawns on me I feel spiritually arrogant… I think I’m better than these people just because ___________. You can fill in the blank. Can you relate to all this?
Then I remember a phrase learned long ago in recovery “if I think I am better than you or if I think I am less than you, then there is an inner child that needs some attention (healing).” This truth humbles me, takes me down another path of awareness. My peace comes from the laughter of my husband as I make a joke, looking out at sea and watching the incredibly blue water.
Sitting in a quiet spot on the upper deck, we are in line with the jogging path, there is a steady stream of people walking by. I decide to try and make eye contact with people, connect by smiling…no one but children notice. Even the children are surprised by my smiles. One four year old boy looks at me, I smile sending out love, in return he gives me a very guarded half smile. A reminder we learn too soon how not to connect. It’s all very weird. We are a community of souls on the boat. Our dinner companions, a lovely couple from Dallas Texas share that people seem to be pushy and mean to the help. DH and I laugh explaining that’s SouthFLA way.
I start asking our waiters something personal, have a conversation…and then watch their polite rote masks fall away, they share stories of being out at sea, threats of job loss, the time away from their families and children and new babies. Like our Hungarian waiter whose getting his degree in Environmental Sciences at FIU so he can move up into ship management, get more time off to be with his wife and new baby. My peace comes from these connections and as each story unfolds the light in their eyes touches my heart.
LOVE: Third day at sea we are getting into a routine. Feeding frenzy at breakfast is worse today because everyone wants to get off the boat and hit Cozumel. DH wants Cuban cigars and I just want to walk for nothing in particular, just want to be with him…we leave the ship, taxi into town. The slap haphazardness of Mexico is disconcerting, and the poverty leaves me feeling sad. How the trickle down economy is hurting these people. Hey lady do you want to have a drink..here's a free shot coupon, step this way.
As a little girl and young woman I had a tough time saying NO. Timid and quiet, raised to be very polite "good little girl"; in Mexico being timid won’t work. Merging with my True Self and the protectors for the middle-world I am ready for the psychic onslaught. Vendors with some very creepy vibes and their soul sucking eyes cajole us at every step trying to hawk their wares, “hey lady, hey lady, I have a gift for you. Come into my store.” Strangely enough the energy shape-shifts and starts to be a game each of us is playing for the other.I start to have fun with my strong polite "no thanks".
LG shares in the book the Balinese do not let their children touch the earth (structure/father/Capricorn) for the first six months of life; babies are considered to be gods sent straight from Heaven (womb/mother/Cancer). Babies are carried and revered as minor deities. Then at six months of age there is a blessing ritual honoring the four directions using Holy Water as their feet touch the ground. Imagine that, to begin life in such a connected way. Would we collectively need to drive ourselves to distraction- eat, drink, shop, smoke if we began with such love and appreciation.
While we almost lose it from Mexican heat, DH and I get back to the ship with cigars in hand. I have a deep appreciation for how far I’ve come from that timid and shy little girl I once was.
LOVE Day Four: LG and I are now traveling to Bali to meet with her medicine man, the Healer. There’s a hungering within me to stand on the ship deck, to sing and rattle to the Ocean- the Holy Water that surrounds us and is within us, but there isn’t a place to do that in this world at sea. I’ll stand out from the crowd, and well it’s easier to blend in and be like the others. But who's that serving? Living on the edge leaves me wondering “what does it mean to be a Healer in this ‘normal’ world?”
My thoughts seem to flow now like the pages of the book coming now in little
vignettes. Last night at sea, tonight the silvery moonlight shimmers on the water, the stars
twinkle, the wind breezes by us standing on the bow of our ship as we head to port. Boundaries and right timing, a good solid first chakra energy
is what Capricorn demands. Returning Home one of the first emails I read is "Plunging to the Heart of Earth Life" and I am caught and taught by these words:
“…That perpetual gap between the one who knows that they know and the one who pretends that they don't, that gap is being bridged. We are going to be developing in the next years a mediating self. An awareness self, who can navigate and circulate, moving ever more fluently back and forth between the cosmic and earthly worlds.
As that bridging happens, as that navigational fluency develops, we will be able to sense simultaneously that somebody in us is wise, aware, awake, in tune. And that somebody in us is somehow still lost. And the further we're able to sense and know and be with that, the more the one who's lost will find themselves, and the one who is navigating from a greater cosmic reality will be able to embody through the one who thought they were just a little self caught in the world.We're getting updated.
We're getting fine-tuned. We're getting brought alive. We're getting brought forward, brought through, consciously-wakefully. And it will take years for this to fully register and integrate. But it is already happening, and it is a tremendous advance.
Meanwhile, on the surface of things out there in the world, there's a tremendous destabilizing energy at work (like a feeding frenzy at a buffet). We're being pushed right out of the past but into no place yet. There's an anxiety, apprehension, a millennial fever of subliminally sensing that something big is happening, but what is it? And can we go with it? And what is it really asking of us?– Mark Borax, 7.09 Soul Level Astrology Newsletter
So that is where I'm at at this Full Moon in Capricorn, remembering, connecting and wondering…how are these eclipse energies working you? Your thoughts?
Rev. Michele Lessirard, C.Ht. is an artist, inter-faith minister, shamanic practitioner, astrologer and teacher. Since 1995 she has preformed hundreds of soul retrievals, teaches through out the United States and is recognized for her ability to communicate the visible elements with the invisible- the spiritual aspects that are mirrored through one’s day-to day relationships with family, home and work.
© 2009 The New Moon Journal http://www.newmoonjournal.blogs.com written by shamanic astrologer and teacher Michele Bailey-Lessirard.